Dissociative non-resonance: Dissociating with Self and how it affects self-confidence
Dissociation is a disconnection between a person’s thoughts, memories, feelings, actions or sense of who he or she is. This is a normal process that everyone has experienced.¹
The dissociation effect can be seen in persons who are trying to change an aspect of their life by changing their character or their view upon themselves and their environment. The person can perceive the end goal as another ideal ego who is much better and more perfect than the original self is. Then by doing so the original self conjures an alter ego and applies the newfound knowledge of self improvement on this ideal alter ego. If one continues to improve the alter ego, not noticing that they are dissociating themselves from that ego, one confines themselves in an illusionary cage, feeling the stress of not being on par with the alter ego. As a result the development of the dissociative phase further induces the feeling of not worthiness and despair.
To further clarify my thought process on Dissociative non-resonance I want to explain it using a case example.
I have been reading about some books on how to be more present and how to take control of your life, by controlling your willpower. The basics go through being mindful and being in the present self. Completely aware of yourself existing in the moment of now. Then by valuing the moment so much that you are also aware of its finiteness. In the end Life is made up only of nows. And now is the only thing you have complete control on. Past and future is non existent, now is the universe.
“Suppose that a god announced that you were going to die tomorrow “or the day after.” Unless you were a complete coward you wouldn’t kick up a fuss about which day it was. What difference could it make? Now recognize that the difference between years from now and tomorrow is just as small.” ― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations: A New Translation
The beginning of self improvement goes through being mindful
The first step, Stoicism² and mindfulness³ are the basic groundwork of feeling grounded and in control of your willpower and life. The second step is conjuring an image of your ideal self in your mind’s eye. Every action you do is from this point onwards is a vote you cast towards that ideal self. This is a very thin line to walk on and the danger of dissociative non-resonance arises here.
The dissociative low confidence / dissociative non-resonance, not feeling in resonance with the ideal self, arises just here. After you fall back to old habits and not act as the ideal self. Then you feel that the positive improvements and steps are just an illusion. And every new improvement actually improves the ideal self, making it less reachable to original self, who is stuck with the undesired traits.
Then how to proceed against Dissociative non-resonance?
Firstly to overcome this pitfall of self improvement a person must be aware of one thing at all times. That the alteration of core values and the indivisible value of a human applies to themselves. Not only to the conjured alter ego. And slipping away from this ideal self is not because of the lack of skill, willpower, and worthiness. Rather it is completely normal and expected. It is human common nature to fall back into old habits while casting new ones. Then one should not give into despair but analyze what triggered the slip. As a result gaining insight into the character and values of the original self. Try to build systems of analysis and synthesis. Systems of analyzing what happened and synthesizing new methods to reduce the disparities between ideal and original self and behavior.
Try to know yourself more, explore your character. Then and only then you can trust yourself and build a strong self-confidence.
